The Holy Grail new ending
by Jess13
Summary: A new, improved or not... ending to Monty Python & The Holy Grail


The Holy Grail (new ending)  
  
Disclaimer: I am not trying to make any money off of this.  
The characters do not belong to me, they belong to Python (Monty)  
Pictures. I did not like the way the movie originally ended, especially   
since Galahad is one of my favorite characters and he is essentially killed  
off. This is just a twist on the ending of the movie.  
  
"Blue...no, YELLLLLOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!!" Galahad screamed as he plummeted  
into the Gorge of Eternal Peril. He shut his eyes, for he knew this was  
the end......or was it?  
  
"AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Thump! Boiiiinnnnggg! When he  
opened his eyes, he was surprised to learn that he was indeed NOT dead,  
but had safely landed on a huge, feather-light mattress.   
  
"Where am I?" he panted. He looked around and saw that he was clearly in   
the deepest bowels of the gorge. The last thing he remembered was Robin   
being flung into the gorge, then getting his own question wrong and being  
flung into it himself. What has happened to Arthur and Bedevere? he   
wondered. And what about Lancelot? He had to rejoin them in the quest for  
the Grail. He wasn't going to let this set him back, he would have to get   
out of the gorge some way. He developed a rather annoying itch around   
his face, and wondered what was causing it. "Oh yeah, this bloody knitted   
wool hood," he muttered to himself, "why on earth did I wear it up for this   
part of the quest, let alone at all?" He removed the hood, causing his   
hair to flop in his face.   
  
Just then, he heard some moaning off in the distance. "Ohhhhh...am I dead  
yet?" He recognized the voice that belonged to Sir Robin. He ran in the  
direction of the moaning until he found Robin lying on top of a rather   
jagged rock formation. He clearly had not been as lucky.  
  
"Oh my goodness, Robin! What on earth happened to you??"  
  
Robin stopped moaning and looked up, surprised.   
"Galahad? I thought you were dead."   
"I thought YOU were dead."  
"Well, I'm obviously not quite dead yet," Robin groaned, "but I feel I   
don't have much longer."  
"Is there anything I can do?"  
"Well...if you ever make it out of this gorge, please tell the others that  
I know where the Grail is..." Robin's voice started fading.  
Galahad's eyes grew wide in surprise. "What???" he raised his voice an  
octave.   
Robin slowly nodded. His energy seemed to be slipping away.  
"Robin, this is amazing! Please, tell me!!"  
Robin motioned for Galahad to come closer. "Okay...I'll tell you. It's.."  
"Where??"  
"It's in the......" Robin's eyes slowly closed and his chest went down. A  
look of horror came over Galahad's face.  
"Robin, no, please don't die!!"  
Robin opened his eyes and raised his head a bit. "Okay," he said, "I'll  
tell you... it's in the c....the c-c-c.." Robin coughed.  
"The WHAT??" Galahad asked desperately.  
"In the cu...cu..." again, Robin's eyes shut and his head dropped down on  
the ground. Galahad thought Robin was fooling him, and began to grow angry.  
  
"Come on Robin, this isn't funny!" he yelled.   
  
But this time, Robin did not answer. Galahad felt for his pulse, but   
couldn't hear anything. There was another reason Galahad's tunic had a   
red cross on it...he actually was trained like a nurse, and knew CPR and   
artificial respiration. He pressed up and down on Robin's chest. It was   
no use, and even though it seemed dishonorable for him to put his lips   
against another man's, he knew he had to engage in mouth-to-mouth   
resusitation. Robin was his friend, and, most importantly, he knew where   
the Grail was. Galahad had to get it out of him.   
  
After many tries, he was unsuccessful. There was nothing he could do.   
Galahad started to weep. Just then, he thought he heard Arthur's voice from  
way up on top of the gorge. Even though he had suffered a terrible loss,   
he knew he had to rejoin Arthur and the rest. He had gotten at least a   
partial clue out of Robin, although "the cu.." wasn't much of a help.   
"I'd better find a way to get out of here," he thought to himself.  
  
Suddenly, he heard a woman's voice: "Galahad? Is that you, Galahad?"  
He turned his head and saw a familiar, middle-aged woman running toward him.  
She was dressed as a common woman - not as frumpy as a peasant, but   
certainly not as elegant as a noblewoman. He recognized her immediately.   
It was his mother. He looked at her in disbelief. "Mum??"  
  
"Galahad! My son!!" she shouted joyously as she ran up to him. She threw  
her arms around him and hugged him tightly. She looked up at him. "Oh,  
my goodness, look at you! How did you get so dirty?"  
  
"Er..well, I fell down the gorge, Mum.." he replied, dumbfounded by the   
question. She took out a hanky, spit in it, and started wiping the dirt off  
her son's face.  
  
"Oh my! And how did that happen?" Galahad was on the verge of telling her,  
but decided it would be best not to get into the whole story of the   
bridgekeeper.  
  
"It's a long story..." he said instead. He turned toward her again, and  
noticed she was staring up at him with a disapproving look on her face. He  
knew she had some problem with the way he looked, but he didn't want to get  
into any arguments over that, so he started to back away from her. "Mum, I've got to   
go. My friends are waiting for me. I'll write, I promise. I - "  
  
"Nonsense," she said with a stern look on her face, "you're not going  
anywhere looking like that."  
  
Galahad rolled his eyes. "Oh come on, Mum! You..er...washed my face   
already! It can't possibly get more clean than that!"  
  
"It's not your face, Galahad," she replied, "it's your hair."  
  
"My....hair?" Galahad asked, dumbfounded.  
  
"Of course!" she answered, insulted by his question, "it's gotten awfully  
long. When was the last time you had it cut?"  
  
"What?" he asked, in disbelief. He hadn't even thought about that. After  
all, when you're on a quest, you don't give much attention to details like  
that.  
  
"Just look!" she handed him a mirror out of her bag. "Your hair is in your  
eyes!"  
  
Galahad stared back at his reflection. Sure, his hair had grown into his  
eyes, but there were no medieval barbers to be found during their search  
for the Grail. "So?"   
  
"So, how can you even see? If you keep walking around like that, you're  
going to go blind!"  
  
Galahad began to grow annoyed. "Oh, Mum, what does it matter?! The quest  
is much more important to me than what my hair looks like! Please, let me  
go. I have to rejoin Arthur and -"  
  
"No," she said, firmly, "I won't rest easily knowing that you're going to  
go blind! Let me give you a trim. I have a comb and scissors in here, let  
me just see where it..."  
  
Galahad shook his head in disbelief. As his mother searched her bag for the  
makeshift barber kit, he thought about beating a hasty retreat, but each  
time he tried to get away she looked up at him with a piercing stare. There  
was nothing he could do but submit to his annoyingly overbearing mother.  
  
"Ah," she declared, as she held up a small scissors and comb. She patted   
the ground. "Sit!" she ordered him. Galahad reluctantly sat on the ground   
as his mother removed her veil and wrapped it around his shoulders, much like a towel.  
He couldn't believe this was happening. One moment he was answering a   
bridgekeeper's questions, the next he was being nagged by his mother over   
the length of his hair. "I don't believe this," he grumbled, "there are  
men who have longer hair than I do, yet that's not good enough for you."  
  
"I'm not going to cut it all off," she answered as she combed his hair   
toward the front of his face, "just the part that's in your eyes. Now  
sit still." She snipped dispassionately at her son's bangs until  
they cleared his eyebrows. Then she removed the veil from his shoulders and  
handed him the mirror. "There, now isn't that better?" Galahad shrugged  
as he couldn't care less one way or the other. All he cared about was   
getting back with Arthur and the rest to continue the search for the Grail.  
  
"Er...right, Mum. I've got to go, now. I'll write, I promise," Galahad   
gave his mother a small hug and started to back away.  
  
"Sure you will, you ingrate," she muttered as he ran in the other direction.  
  
*****************************  
  
With much effort, Galahad finally made it out of the gorge. Actually,   
it was not as bad as he originally thought -- he just had to climb up   
the 527-step staircase at the far end of the gorge. By sheer luck   
his servant/horse was waiting for him on the other side. He stopped to rest  
for a minute before trying to catch up with the others.  
  
"Now where's Arthur?" he panted. His question was immediately answered. A   
few hundred yards in front of him, he could just barely make out two figures   
walking slowly along. The glint off Arthur's crown was unmistakable. But  
where was Lancelot? Hopefully they'd be able to answer his question.  
  
Galahad started prancing madly to catch up with them. As he neared Arthur  
and Bedevere, he reared up, his horse whinnying. The sound made the king  
jump.   
  
Arthur turned his head sharply. "What in the name of God is--" He stopped,  
wide-eyed, upon seeing Galahad. "Sir Galahad??" he muttered disbelievably.  
"How can this be? I know I saw you plummet into the Gorge of Eternal Peril!  
I could have sworn you were dead!"  
  
As Arthur faced him, Galahad, out of embarrassment thanks to his, er, trim,  
raised his eyebrows so as to not make it noticeable. "Er, well obviously I'm not   
quite dead, Sire...actually I feel fine," he smiled.  
  
"Oh...well, that's good.." Arthur replied, still dazed from the initial   
shock. "Er... is something wrong?"  
  
"What do you mean?" Galahad asked, eyebrows still raised.  
  
"Well, it's just that you seem to have a perpetual look of surprise on your  
face," Arthur answered.  
  
Galahad shook his head. "I don't know what you're talking about, Sire."  
  
Arthur quickly turned his eyes toward Bedevere,tapped him on his shoulder   
and gestured toward Galahad. Bedevere lifted up the grating on his helmet,   
his eyes wide in surprise.  
  
"I thought you were dead," he said incredulously.  
  
"Oh...er, well actually I'm quite fine," Galahad returned.  
  
Bedevere shrugged. "Ah..." He turned back to Galahad, his eyes narrowed.   
"Something wrong?"  
  
"What makes you say that?" Galahad, still raising his eyebrows, asked.  
  
"Why do you keep raising your eyebrows?" Bedevere asked pointedly.  
  
"That's what I'm trying to find out.." Arthur muttered.  
  
"Er..raising my eyebrows?" Galahad asked, innocently.  
  
"Yes," Bedevere answered, "I must admit it's quite strange." He thought for  
a moment.  
  
"Ah!" he exclaimed. "It's your hair, isn't it."   
  
Galahad looked up. "My hair?" he again asked innocently.  
  
"Yes! You've gone to see the medieval barber, haven't you! You've had a  
haircut and you're embarrassed, hence the constant raising of your eyebrows."  
  
"Very good deduction, Bedevere," Arthur interjected.   
  
"Well...it seemed more than logical," Bedevere smiled, proud  
of himself.  
  
Galahad had done an awful job of hiding his mother's chop job..er, trim. He  
tried combing it to the side to conceal it, but was foiled whenever a good  
wind picked up. "No, I haven't gone to see the medieval barber!" He cried,  
defensively, lowering his eyebrows for once.   
  
"Yes you have!" Arthur and Bedevere laughed, pointing at Galahad's forehead.   
"It's clearly noticeable!"  
  
Galahad looked at them, rather shamefaced. He shut his eyes and sighed.   
"Okay, you found me out. I ran into my mum down in the Gorge, and she  
insisted on giving me a trim before I left to find you."  
  
Arthur and Bedevere, who had been close to hysterics, stopped laughing and  
looked at Galahad curiously.   
  
"Your mum?" Bedevere asked thoughtfully. "What was she doing in the Gorge?"  
  
Galahad furrowed his brow in confusion, then merely shrugged. "Don't know.  
I suppose I should have asked her," he mused.  
  
"Well, it's not very important," Arthur interjected. "Tell me, Galahad,   
have you seen Robin?"  
  
"Yes, I'm afraid," Galahad answered with a pained look on his face. "He  
wasn't as lucky as I, but on his deathbed he gave me a vital clue."  
  
"A CLUE...for the Grail?" Bedevere asked.  
  
"Yes, he said we'd be able to find it in the 'cu..'" Galahad answered,   
mimicking Robin.  
  
"The 'cu...'??" Arthur asked, furrowing his brow in confusion.  
  
"That's all I could get out of him," Galahad remarked.   
  
"What is that?" Bedevere asked.   
  
"I don't know. He breathed his last with that word." Galahad returned.  
  
"Hmm..." Bedevere mused thoughtfully.  
  
"I'm sorry to interrupt Sire, but I guess Lancelot is somewhere around here  
as well?" Galahad asked hopefully.  
  
Arthur's eyes narrowed. "We're not sure. We called for him after we made  
it across the Bridge of Death, but he never answered. Strangely enough,  
however, I thought I spotted him being captured and restrained by a man in  
a peculiar-looking uniform, with some strange-looking horseless wagon."   
Arthur shrugged nonchalantly.  
  
************************************  
  
Arthur and the two knights continued walking straight ahead in pursuit of the  
Grail when ethereal music began playing. The movie now continues as implied  
in the script, with Arthur and Bedevere boarding the dragon-like ship to sail  
across the lake to the Castle Arrrrrrrgggh, only now Galahad has joined them.   
Arthur, Bedevere the Wise and Galahad the Pure reach Castle Arrrrrgggh. They  
kneel down in front of the castle, Arthur declaring, "our quest is at an   
end." They begin to thank God, when a sheep carcass lands on top of Arthur  
and -- surprise -- we see the frogs at it again. Arthur, of course, gets  
slop poured over him, and shouts witty threats to the frogs with their amusing  
insults flying back in his face. "Just keep walking, ignore them," he says  
briskly to Bedevere and Galahad, as they storm off the island and across the  
lake (thankfully it was low tide).  
  
Now, the movie veers once again from the original ending.  
  
"Well, I guess that's it," Arthur sighed, once they reached the shore. "Those  
madmen have the Grail, and there's no way we can attain it. I've already   
lost two brave...er, well, one brave...er, one and a half brave knights. I  
can't afford to lose any more."  
  
Galahad, however, was not ready to give up. He certainly did not trust the  
word of those frenchmen, and still had Robin's clue in the back of his mind.  
  
"My liege, I am confident that we will attain the Grail," he said,  
optimistically.  
  
"No," Arthur groaned, "it's not worth all this bloodshed. We might as well  
give up and return to Camelot."  
  
Galahad opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, but changed his  
mind. Suddenly without warning, the sky grew very bright and the clouds   
parted.  
  
"Arthur, Arthur, King of the Britons," a familiar voice boomed.  
  
At once, Arthur, Bedevere and Galahad prostrate themselves on the ground.  
  
"Oh, knock it off!" God yelled, "I thought we had been through this already!"  
  
"Sorry, Lord," Arthur answered, dumbly, as he and the two knights arose.  
  
"Arthur, it seems you have not achieved the Grail," He continued.  
  
The three turned their eyes downward, shamefaced.  
  
"Er..no, Lord," Arthur replied, quite embarrassed. "In fact we were just  
about to head back to Camelot."  
  
God thought for a moment. "Well, that does not sound like a bad idea,  
actually."  
  
Arthur and the two knights furrowed their brows in confusion.  
  
God continued. "For Arthur, the Grail is actually closer than you think."  
With that, He disappeared behind the clouds.  
  
Arthur, Galahad and Bedevere stood, dumbfounded, just looking at one another  
for a few moments.  
  
"What do you suggest we do, Bedevere?" Arthur questioned the wise knight.  
  
"Er, well, my liege, I think we should return to Camelot, then split up and  
each search a portion of the woods nearby. Then we should find the Grail."  
  
"Are you sure?" Galahad asked, worried. "The last time we all split up we  
didn't find anything."  
  
Bedevere thought for a moment, then after a beat replied, "Hmm, maybe you're  
right."  
  
"We'll worry about that later. Right now, let's just get back home," Arthur  
answered, weary.  
  
*******************************************  
  
After some time, the three returned to Camelot, quite discouraged. Arthur   
reclined on his favorite easy chair, resting his legs on top of a servant  
who was bent over scrubbing the floor. Bedevere became absorbed in his   
readings on so-called scientific theories of the Middle Ages. Galahad,  
meanwhile, stood in front of the mirror in the Great Hall, trying to part  
his hair and comb it every which way to hide his mother's handiwork.  
  
Finally, Arthur decided he was thirsty enough to order the servant to fetch  
him a drink. The servant picked himself off the floor and trudged off to   
the kitchen, muttering angrily the entire way.  
  
He brought the pitcher of mead over to the table, and went over to the   
cupboard in search of a goblet. Most had become quite rusted, and the  
servant didn't feel like spending all that time to polish them up, so he  
rummaged through the whole cupboard, until he found a large, shiny gold   
goblet near the back. His eyes widened, for he had never seen such a   
brilliant object before.   
  
"Hmm, must have been sitting in the back of this cupboard for quite a while,"  
he muttered. To King Arthur he called out, "Sire, would you like your mead  
in this nice gold goblet??"  
  
Arthur looked up. Gold goblet??? He picked himself off of the chair and ran  
toward the kitchen. Bedevere looked up from his studies and also ran toward   
the kitchen. Galahad looked up, then looked back at his reflection, spit in   
his hands and smoothed his bangs to the side, dropping the comb as he ran to   
join them.  
  
As they entered the kitchen, they saw the huge cup shining brightly. The  
three stared at it in awe.  
  
Bedevere's eyes narrowed. "No, it's just a coincidence," he muttered,  
shaking his head. He looked over toward Galahad. "Right?"   
  
At once, ethereal music began playing out of nowhere. It was clear that this  
was the Holy Grail. Arthur and the knights knelt down and thanked God.   
After Arthur rose, he slapped himself on the head and the ethereal music   
stopped.  
  
"I can't believe we've been knocking ourselves out to find this thing when   
it's been here in our cupboard the whole time!" he said in disbelief.  
  
It turned out that Robin had been right. By the "cu..." he meant the   
cupboard. Arthur, Bedevere and Galahad looked at each other and laughed.  
They spent the rest of their days happily, but still annoyed at themselves  
for overlooking such an easy location.  
  
THE END 


End file.
